Do you ever find yourself giving too much of your mental energy to wondering what people think? I do, and it was one of the reasons I went off of Medium for over a year even though I was seeing great results.
Unfortunately, our minds fluctuate between two states, sponge and stone.
Sponge
By sponge, I mean we tend to soak in specific signals from the outside world. These signals are usually of two types — praise and criticism. We love hearing about when we do something great and we seek it out at every opportunity.
However, our brains tend to soak in criticism much more readily than praise, for example, when looking at reviews of something we want to buy, the negative reviews grab our attention the quickest and longest. Additionally, negative experiences hold as much sway in our psyche as positive ones do. We don't need neuroscientists and psychologists to tell us this.
Stone
This refers to our minds’ ability to somehow solidify like a rock when it comes to mental biases. A depressed person has a mind like a stone, it has hardened to the point where efforts to convince it of the beauty of life just bounce off like water off a pebble.
If you’re like me, your mind is probably dead down the middle of the sponge-stone dynamic. Recently, this bug/feature of my mind manifests itself as anxiety as to what people would think. It's a challenge, and over time I have come up with a toolbox of logic that allows me to strike back at this feeling that I suspect plagues most of humanity.
We all die, and we will all be forgotten
No shit. Of course. But really, it’s liberating when you realise that no matter what you do, you will end up like every other human in our species’ history. If you’re caught up in paralysis about whether what you’re doing is going to be ridiculed, remember that everyone who potentially will ridicule you is going to die, along with their laughter.
Last year was tough, I lost two souls who were very close to me and it hurt. It hurt bad. And when they passed away, I was down with grief and sadness.
However, I barely think of them now.
Make no mistake, I miss them dearly, but they barely occupy my mind space anymore. I wish they were still with us, but I know they cannot be, so I have had to let go. Life moves on, change is the only constant, etc etc. You have probably been through this as well.
Now, if people manage to not think of our long-gone loved ones much, then they most definitely do not think that often of that guy who crapped himself in the middle of a football match.
So..relax, please.
Really wise people throughout history all agree
The number of people who have had a memorable quote regarding the opinions of others is too long to include, but they are all people we celebrate and remember to this day. To save you some time, here’s one that I think best captures the thought:
‘Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner.’ — Lao Tzu
Perfection in words, this sentence is as fundamental as the equation E = mc².
People’s problems are bigger than your potential embarrassment
The trials and tribulations of everyday life are enough to make us shift our focus from whatever silly business idea of yours.
Have you ever tried meditating (please do if not)? They should honestly make it an Olympic event. Even the best of us find it hard to keep the mind still for even 30 seconds. Now extrapolate this to the distractions of daily life and you will see that even thoughts of your failures will be replaced by those of whether or not I turned the tap off.
These three maxims have been anchors against the tides of my mind that sometimes threaten to wash what I build just out of fear of what others think. I hope they can keep you steady too.
